Translate

4/06/2017

No. | A poem

A response to rape culture: a poem included in the 2016-17 Dominican University literary magazine, Stella Veritum, entitled "No."

-

We should get a drink.

               (Did you say yes?)
                  (You were at a bar.)
                     (Wait, didn't you go out with him last year?)
                        (You must have wanted it.)
                           (Well, what were you wearing?)
                              (Your leather skirt was way too short.)
                                 (Were you flirting?)
                                    (That push-up bra was an invitation.)
                                       (Did you lead him on?)
                                          (He won't go to law school if you go to court.)
                                             (Were you asking for it?)
                                                (He was doing you a favor; you're not that pretty anyway.)

No.

-

Someone once said, "No is a complete sentence; it does not require justification or explanation." Sex can only happen when all parties are able to, willing to, and explicitly giving their absolute consent; sex requires a full-hearted and enthusiastic "yes" reply; rape is never okay.

Now let's talk about rape culture.

Rape culture: (n) a sociological concept used to describe a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality

I am so grateful for having the opportunity to participate in the experience of Take Back the Night this week on my campus. I performed in a live art exhibition representing domestic abuse: a friend, playing the part of my boyfriend, sat behind me with his hand and my scarf over my mouth; I had makeup on for a black eye. It was important to us that we explicitly show the abuse during the two hours of our still life performance, and that we show that he was actively silencing me. We changed our positions - him on a chair, me on the ground; him standing, me on the chair; both of us sitting on a bench - but we kept the same idea. The reactions we got varied; some people didn't care, some read the situation and took the pamphlet but otherwise didn't seem to have much of a reaction, and some people were very vocal about their worry for my situation or that they thought it was real. The other performance involved another friend of mine portraying a girl passed out after drinking, and the situation of a man offering to take her home though one could assume that wasn't all he wanted.

I had a brief discussion after the Women's March in January; a picture featured a group of women dressed in not much more than bras and short skirts, some of them in only stockings and black tape in an X over their nipples. With the help of my oldest sister, I explained to the commenters who thought they lacked class and didn't represent America well: these women are protesting rape, one had a sign that read "My outfit is NOT an invitation," and the two women who bared their breasts with nipple tape were including the Free the Nipple campaign against double-standards.

One comment struck me the wrong way, laughing at the fact that one of the important stances these women had was "equal rights for nipples."

Here was my response: "Equal rights for nipples" is like a zoom-in on fighting against double-standards. But either way, that is only one of the messages that two of these women are putting out there. The focus of these women as a group is standing against rape culture: "My outfit is not an invitation."

This individual and I went back and forth a few times, seeming to come upon agreement, until they wrote that "ya just got to keep locking [rapists] up."

But that's not it. We can't stop there. Rape shouldn't be happening in the first place.

My response again: That's the thing though. The narrative is much more along the lines of "Don't get raped" rather than "Don't rape." It's "Don't wear revealing clothing" rather than "Revealing clothing doesn't mean sex is appreciated or wanted or asked for." It's "Watch your drink" rather than "Don't put things in people's drinks." Some of these [latter] messages ARE out there, but they're rarely explicit and certainly not as prevelant as the former. And not all rapists get locked up. We can't rely on that. Some of them are charmers; the jury lets them go. Some of them have money; their lawyers get them off or minimal sentencing. Some of them are never caught. And if they're successful? If the judge sympathises? If a number of any other things happen in the rapist's favor? Look at Brock Turner.

Until there are no rapes occurring, we have not done enough.

According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, 1 in 6 women has been the victim of rape and 1 in 33 men has been the victim of rape (yes, men can be raped), and an average of 321,500 people aged 12+ are the victim of rape each year in America.

The number for the 24-hour National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-656-4673. There is also an online chat feature.

No more "He was asking for it."
No more "Should have been more careful."
No more "But they're dating."
No more "She was dressed provocatively."
No more "Not my problem."
No more.

xoxo

No comments:

Post a Comment